As their big day nears, women reminisce about lessons they've learned

The world was transformed into a different place for Jennifer Grant when she became a mother.

That change, and other maternal issues, were among discussion points at last week’s monthly meeting of Mothers of Preschoolers in Leland. The women were also discussing their special day – Mother’s Day this Sunday.

Grant, who has lived in Suttons Bay her entire life, is the mother of four children ranging in ages from two months to 11. Also attending the meeting were Tanya Popp of Lake Leelanau, Brenda Mitchell of Leland, and Angela Ray of Lake Leelanau.

"You look at women completely differently when you've had a child." said Ray. "I remember being in the hospital when I had my first, looking at the nurse and thinking 'she probably did what I just did!' You are much more aware of women as a mother."

Having children also changed the way they look at their own mothers. They say they’re more apt to ask their moms for advice.

Grant recalls good advice her mother gave her: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

"If it makes the kids happy, let them make their mess,” Ray added. “You can always go back and clean it up later."

They also credited their mothers with providing a good philosophical approach to motherhood.

"Treat others as you'd like to be treated," Grant said, quoting her mother. "It's simple but true."
Popp said her mother told her “never go to bed angry.”

Popp prefers to work out issues so she can have peace of mind. "When things are unresolved, I can’t sleep," she said.

The young mothers also have noticed changes since they were growing up. When younger, they said their mothers weren't as focused on careers as women are today. Most of the women attending the Mothers of Preschoolers program also have jobs. Time can be difficult to juggle, they say, since mothering and careers are both fulltime jobs.

"There was less information available for mothers when we were growing up." Ray said, adding that outlets for mothers like the MOPS program weren't always available. “The way mothers communicated with their children is different today than it was years ago."

Mitchell calls her relationship with her daughters Flora June, 2, and Helene Claire, 4, “great.” While Mitchell was visiting with friends, Flora, apparently more interested in her mother than the activities of the other kids, climbed onto her and wrapped her little arms around her moms neck.

Her sister than approached her mother.

"Mom, I have to tell you something!" Helene said, then whispered in her mother’s ear. She had her hands full trying to eat, talk and hang on to Flora.

That led to a discussion about the frustrations of motherhood. Grand said the “mama bear” in her comes out when she thinks of mothers who are neglectful or abusive to their children.

“I feel terrible for children in bad situations,” she said. As a mother, she has an instinct to protect and care for her children, no matter how upset she might be.

Flowers and candy aren't gifts these moms want for Mother's Day, although they probably wouldn't complain if that’s what they receive. They prefer something simpler.

"I'd like to relinquish all responsibilites," said Ray. All the mothers said a day of relaxation, without messes to clean up, would be the perfect gift.

Popp and Grant, whose mothers also live in Leelanau County, also prefer to share their day of relaxation.